Connection to Notes from the Underground

After starting Notes From the Underground, I immediately saw similarities between  Raskolnikov and the speaker in NFTU. When the narrator says that he is ill think back to the mental state of Raskolnikov and how it is hard to really understand some of his actions. Both illnesses are obviously mental and knowing that NFTU was the basis for a lot of Dostoevsky’s ideas in his later works can’t help me from attaching those ideas onto Raskolnikov. The speaker in NFTU is intelligent or described as conscious, and I don’t think Dostoevsky would create Raskolnikov as a man of acute consciousness. Like the narrator, Raskolnikov thoroughly contemplates his thoughts and it is hard for him to have consistent  characteristics. When the narrator from NFTU describes his corner and it being disheveled I couldn't help but think of the way Raskolnikov, because I picture him up in his little room just thinking and driving himself mad. 

I am almost certain that Raskolnikov has the disease of consciousness. The line from NFTU, “The more conscious I was goodness and all that was “sublime and beautiful”, the more deeply I sank into my mire and the more ready I was to sink altogether” I feel like is a perfect portrayal or Raskolnikov. I think this feeling to do “such ugly things” festered in Raskolnikov witch ultimately lead to him becoming a murderer. Maybe whats making Raskolnikov so sick is that he actually does not feel bad for what he’s done, and that is the true guilt he is feeling. The NFTU speaker says he felt “despicable enjoyment” returning to his corner knowing that he has “committed a loathsome act again”. He would inwardly be “tearing and consuming himself until that bitterness turned into a sort of shameful accursed sweetness”. That is some deep, dark, and twisted stuff and makes me think that Dostoevsky has killed someone or done something of that sort. Aside from that those lines could not more perfectly describe Raskolnikov. Basically being torn and tormented internally because you don’t feel the guilt you should. It kind of reminds me when Raskolnikov at times seems proud at himself for getting away with the murder. It also makes me question what makes Raskolnikov or the narrator feel enjoyment for things that “should” cause them guilt. I hope all these connections are true because I feel like I am reading Crime and Punishment completely with new understanding of Raskolnikov’s complex character.